Things in Motion...

Things in Motion tend to Stay in Motion:

Chronic Fatigue. Bleh. Even typing the term makes my shoulders slump forward in frustration. Something that is a part of my life, (Thank you Fibro.) is "Chronic Fatigue." Yes I love sleep and I could sleep all day and still feel like I need more, and yes my brain gets quite foggy when the fatigue really kicks in, and yes I experience the general feeling of an over-tired body. These are the typical symptoms of "Chronic Fatigue". It really is just a fact of my life though. Husband knows that after a road trip, I have to rest for a couple of days before I can get back into my routine, so we plan that into our trips' schedules. My parents and my in-laws are used to the fatigue and they expect it whenever we come to visit. (A bed is usually made and waiting for me to sneak off to and get some rest.)  I really think that as annoying as Chronic Fatigue is, I am used to it. I know how to work around it. It is what it is. 

There is another fun aspect of fatigue that I  lovingly like to call the Smeagol Brain. Smeagol Brain is when my brain basically gets so obsessed with "taking care of myself" that I hide from the outside world in my cave. I don't have an actual cave to hide in, but I do have an apartment that if you close all the blinds can have a strong resemblance to a cave. There also is of course, the metaphorical cave, the cave in my mind. Now, I have to clarify that the cave in my mind isn't a cave where I go to plot my evil plans to take over the world, so all you can readers can rest easy. 

The "hiding" can't really be seen by the physical eye. The hiding is more of an internal frustration that builds and builds into grumpy, angry thoughts. The thoughts usually are focused on time and energy. (My two precious'.) When my Smeagol side feels my time and energy aren't being valued it starts to resent anything  that would use those precious things. I, of course still go to my job and still do other things that if I didn't there would be dire consequences, but I do not go happily. I go with Smeagol whispering in my ear that everyone is trying to steal my precious and the rest of my life feels it.

What can be particularly frustrating about Smeagol Brain is that it causes me to be more sedentary. I mean, how do you not let your time and energy be used? You lay on your couch and watch Vampire Diaries, obviously. (Shameful, I know.) Well being sedentary too much can actually make Fibro symptoms worse. In fact there have been times where I let Smeagol take control and then lo and behold a migraine comes, or my personal favorite- nerve pain in my arms and legs come. Sigh. :/  Is anyone else seeing a pattern? It would seem that Smeagol's defense mechanisms aren't really doing their job, now are they? 

Now, onto the title of the post. Motion. I'm sure you all have heard the physics law that states "Things in motion tend to stay in motion."(This is Newton's first law of Motion, FYI.) Well I have to tell you, this law is not just applicable to a study of physics. This law is applicable to life. Mine and yours. 

I love teaching dance. I love the music, I love the excitement, and I love getting to run around with little kids and I love helping them learn something new. I feel happy, optimistic and dare I say it? Energized. I have loved teaching dance since I was a little girl, and I still love it. I also love yoga, doing and teaching it. It has similarities to teaching dance that I enjoy and it has differences that challenge me and inspire me. It is similar to teaching dance for me in that I always feel better after a class. It warms and wakes my heart and mind up. I have chosen my career path for many reasons, but the primary ones are: I want to do what I love and I need to fight the Smeagol Brain however I can.

I teach morning dance classes on Wednesdays and last Wednesday I had a horrible migraine so I wasn't able to teach.(Boo.) Last night as I went to bed I started to hear Smeagol's voice again. (I have to interject, that I do not have multiple personality disorder or Schitzophrenia, I promise.) I started to feel the worry about teaching my classes. The worries consisted of "I missed a week, what if that throws me off?" and "What if I get a migraine again and miss another week?" and finally "Is it worth it to get up early and go teach??? I should really just stay in bed and avoid it." When I awoke this morning those worries turned into fatigue. My bff. I slowly and stubbornly got out of bed when I just wanted to sleep and forget about my responsibilities. I even sat on the floor of the bathroom to do my makeup. (Ha! Yeah fight the man, Camille! You don't have to stand if you don't want to!) After I dragged my feet getting ready, I made it out the door and to the dance studio. I arrived early so while I was waiting I prepped the studio and myself. Opened the curtains, checked the roll book, got the sounds system booted up, put my dance shoes on, etc. 

Then it was time to start my first class and no one showed up. I  thought: Well I will have to move eventually, I might as well start now whether there are students here or not. So I went to the ballet barre and starting doing slowly some ballet. I did ballet until one student arrived late, and then the others trickled in, late as well. With the students there I can "fake it till I make it" and push through the class. That is what I did and we had class as usual. The other classes ran like they normally do. I finished my classes and after running around and moving there it was- I remembered what it felt like to be Smeagol free. 

There are many times when the fatigue catches up with me and there is danger of Smeagol Brain following suit. As stated earlier, I am used to the fatigue, I know how to take care of it, with rest. To take care of (or fight) the Smeagol Brain I need the opposite- I need motion. The rest is important for my well-being I really do need it, but what I also need is the ability to pull myself out of the rest. Even if it is a slow process, I need to initiate motion within me. My yoga instructor has been advising me lately to utilize restorative yoga as a way to fight the fatigue. It seems counter intuitive, but she knows what she is talking about. (She also has Fibromyaglia, Rheumatoid Arthritis and is a Breast Cancer survivor and she runs a successful business.) So there you go, my own epiphany along with the advice of Husband and my instructor and it looks like we are onto something good here. :)

Moral of the story, I can only do what I love in life if I start motion. Even if it is rolling out of bed and going into child's pose or cat/cow, it doesn't matter how it starts, as long as it starts. :) Objects in motion tend to stay in motion. 

xoxo

-Camille

P.S. In case you don't know who Smeagol is, he is a character in the series the Lord of the Rings, written by J.R.R. Tolkien. He becomes obsessed with the ring so much so that he turns into a different person; a greedy, paranoid, mess of a person. I only wish that he had found out how to fight his inner Smeagol tendencies too. Oh well, I guess the story would have been different if he had. 

As always, I am grateful for my opportunities to learn such things about myself and share them with you all. I include where I am receiving my yoga teacher training at the end of each post, as these posts are an important part of my yoga journey. I am receiving my yoga teacher training at Bodhi Yoga in Provo, Utah.  

Namaste.

http://www.gobodhiyoga.com/

 

Standing on the Shoulders Yoga Post

Standing on the Shoulders

This post may be shorter than the others, I just had a thought I wanted to share. There is a wonderful article about learning from other instructors on yoga journal.com I have a copy of the article in my Bodhi Yoga training manual. I read it when I got my manual but I decided to re-read it again recently. 

There has been some debate about whether yoga instructors should use techniques or approaches  they have seen other yoga instructors use. There are some people that say a yoga instructor should create their own practice and not "borrow" techniques from other instructors. While there are others who say that the only way to learn yoga is to teach the way you've seen instructors teach until you find your own way. 

I have been thinking about this concept recently and the article opened my eyes to how I feel about this. I think that the key to finding your voice as a yoga instructor is to use both trains of thought. There are so many wonderful things to understand about yoga and different instructors will speak in different ways to you and your soul. A life-long relationship with yoga is filled with different yoga instructors all along the way. (Thanks, Mom for pointing that out to me tonight.)  Yoga poses have been used for centuries and every yoga instructor had to learn from someone before them (except maybe the original yogis). If you take this train of thought and partner it with the importance of a personal yoga practice, I think that is where the yoga voice comes through. 

I think there is beauty and opportunity in using both avenues to build your yoga relationship. This epiphany came to me today and for the first time in a while, I feel excited to do my certification hours instead of nervous about doing them. I will keep you posted as to how it goes from now on. (Also, I'll give you an update on the Chakra meditation later this week.) 

xoxo

-Camille

P.S. I am getting my Yoga Teaching Training at Bodhi Yoga http://www.gobodhiyoga.com/

The Moon and Chakras

The Moon

This week I made plans to be "on the ball" with my yoga studies so that I could meet my goal of finishing my hours by the end of June. My plan for today (Friday) was to head to the dance studio after work and work on some dance technique and then do a personal yoga practice. (It is much easier to do a private practice when I am in a studio because there are no Gilmore Girls dvds there to distract me.) Work came and gone and I realized how tired I was. Then I went and ran some errands and then realized I was really, really tired so I did not make it to the dance studio. 

I came home and started to feel guilty about not meeting my goal today and guilt (similar to comparison) is a thief of joy. Long story short, I did not want to live in guilt world. I had noticed the moon shining big and bright earlier so I decided I was going to spend some quality time with the moon. 

I grabbed some tea, a blanket and sat on my porch and stared at the moon. (I'm sure my neighbors thought I was crazy, oh well.) I stared at the moon and let the breeze blow the hair off my face. I stared at the moon and wondered what the moon looks like from the other side. I felt the brightness of the moon make my heart feel happy. I wondered if God enjoys the way the moon looks. I let the light of the moon make me feel alive again. I finished my moon time and felt as though I had come out of Savasana. 

My problems didn't magically go away, but it was very nice to feel free of them for a while. 

Now that I am done with my touchy-feely, philosophy type stuff. Why did I bring up my experience with the moon? A) Because I am an extrovert and I talk/type through all of my thoughts and B) Because there actually is a point! The moon's light is a healing light. In modern society we don't get enough natural light. We spend our days at a computer, on our phones, in florescent lighting, and watching TV, etc. Our poor eyes! Because of this we get headaches, don't sleep well and frankly just have messed up bodies. Whenever we can expose our bodies to natural light we can help balance out all the phony light. There are actually lots of important reasons to expose yourself to natural light. (If you want to learn more I can give you more information on how awesome the moon light is, but for the sake of brevity I won't give it here.)  

After my experience with the moon I felt refreshed and less like someone who isn't reaching their goals and more like someone who did something good for herself. I am finding that the answers I am looking for in life are not to be found by keeping myself busy there are to be found in slowing down and clearing my mind. So this experience was helpful in reminding me of how important it is to do that. 

My moon time was a success. :)

Last night I did a yoga study of the 7 body center Chakras and I decided that I am going to spend a week working on each Chakra. I will let you know how that goes. 

xoxo

-Camille

I am receiving my yoga training at Bodhi yoga: www.gobodhiyoga.com

Yoga Post # 7 Gratitude

Gratitude

Tonight I taught my Tuesday night yoga class.  I spend a lot of my day Tuesdays being nervous about teaching. At my last Teacher Training Session (@ Bodhi yoga) the instructor talked about feeling nervous when teaching. It was so what I needed to hear. There were many things that she said that addressed what I was feeling but I hadn't said it out-loud. She said that yoga is what will calm them, help them and give them the goodness they seek in their life and we are just guides to their personal yoga practice. I've heard her say that before and it continues to speak to me, but this week I realized how I could apply it. 

From many discussions with the infamous Husband (and with my Mother, and with my close friend) I have learned that I am putting a lot of pressure on myself with my yoga classes. Husband calls it "trying to re-invent the wheel for every class." I've found that I feel some pressure to convince my students of the wonderful, passionate relationship that they will have with yoga and how it will change their lives, and I feel pressure to convey that message in a one hour class. (Even as I am typing this, I am realizing how silly that sounds.) I know that I have good intentions because yoga really has been an amazing resource for my inner peace, but just like any other good thing (hint, hint missionary work) I can not force it on people. People will have to find their relationship with yoga on their own, I can only offer opportunities. 

Tonight's class I felt my usual nervousness but I wanted to move forward. I started class aware of why I was nervous but not really sure how to help it, so I decided to focus on the flow of the class and hope for the best. While doing the flow my nerves calmed little by little. During Prasarita pose (Straddle Forward Fold) I caught my reflection in the mirror. (An odd reflection of my bum with my legs out to the side, but inspiration comes in odd ways sometimes.) What I saw was my leg muscles flexed and engaged and I saw my head upside down pushed onto my yoga block. This image though silly, filled me with gratitude. I suddenly remembered my personal yoga journey and I gave myself permission to enjoy a yoga moment. I felt grateful for my working muscles and I felt grateful for the energy that was flowing throughout my body. I felt like everything was going to be okay, for just a moment. 

My topic of this post is titled "Gratitude" because I think that I am letting my fears overshadow my blessings in my thoughts and this is making me unhappy. I haven't rid myself of the perfectionist that wants things to be black and white and wants all  of my yoga students to love  yoga but I do think that being more grateful will help.  This next week I am going to incorporate more gratitude into my thoughts about yoga (and everything else in my life) and next week I will let you know how it went. I am only a student myself, and I think I need to remember that. 

Namaste'

-Camille 

I am going through my yoga training @ bodhi yoga www.gobodhiyoga.com

yoga post # 6 Ayurveda!

This week's yoga post will be about the study of Ayurveda. : ) 

Ayurveda the "Science of Life"

Ayurveda is an ancient healing system of India. The study of Ayurveda is the study of what governs your life. There are 3 main forces in Ayurveda: Life, Light and Love. The three forces present themselves in nature (air, fire and water/earth) and they present themselves within our souls and personalities. The governing forces that present themselves in our personalities are called "Doshas". There are 3 main Doshas and we all have a combination of the three Doshas but there is usually a main Dosha. (A way it makes sense to me to understand the Doshas is to think of them as body and personality types.) The 3 Doshas are Vata (air/space), Pitta (fire) and Kapha (earth/water). 

 At the March yoga training weekend we spent some time talking about Doshas and how we can apply them in our own lives and how we can apply them to our students. After learning more about how each Dosha represents itself in people, we learned that most people have their primary Dosha. All 3 can still be present in a person, but there is a Dosha that is strongest in them. The goal  is to have your Doshas in balance, meaning your dominant Dosha is working well with the other Doshas to help you feel comfortable in your own skin. 

I found that I actually am a tri-Dosha, meaning that I don't necessarily have a dominant Dosha that represents itself in me, I have all three. I took a quiz to determine what my Dosha was and I received comparable scores for all 3 Doshas. At first, this was frustrating to me because I thought "How can I balance my primary Dosha if they all  are my primary Dosha???" My yoga instructor helped me to understand that it actually is a blessing to be a tri-Dosha because I can empathize with the other Doshas and be a liason. Which I have to admit is pretty cool. 

Maybe I will go into depth about Doshas on a later post, but for now just know that you are working with a "Liason" so I've got your back  no matter your primary Dosha. ;) 

This past yoga training weekend was as usual so helpful for me in my yoga path right now. I have questions and insecurities about my teaching and about my voice as an instructor and these weekends always help me to answer those questions. This past weekend I had questions answered that I didn't even vocalize, so I know I wasn't the only one feeling nervous. The big message I got from the weekend is that to find my voice and message as an instructor I and most importantly to understand myself, I need to take time to do my personal practice. Even if my personal practice is soely breath work or if it is 10 minutes of meditation, my personal practice is going to help me understand what I like teaching at this time in my life. Ohhhh personal reflection, isn't that the answer to a lot of life's problems? I feel like that has been a prominent theme in many of my epiphanies or answers to prayers. I guess that means I should try to do it then, huh?

Till next time blog world!

XoXo

-Cami 

P.S. I am receiving my yoga knowledge and experiences from Bodhi yoga www.gobodhiyoga.com