Hello everyone!
My name is Camille, most people call me Camille but there are select few (my boss for some reason) who want to call me Cami. I decided to name the blog "Life according to Cami" because I thought it would be catchier, we'll see how I like it.
Alright, let's begin. I am 25 years old, I got married 2 years ago and I just graduated from college. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia roughly 3 years ago, but I have had "health issues" since I was a teenager, so the diagnosis didn't really come as a surprise. I also have anxiety and depression. The two are usually correlated and I am one of the many people out there that get to deal with the heart racing highs and the apathetic avoid-life lows. Anxiety and depression are also correlated with Fibromyalgia, meaning that one makes the other worse, which is comical if you think about it. (Comedy is one of my MANY coping sources, so if my dry humor offends, I sincerely apologize. I don't mean to undermine people's experiences, I only mean to keep myself cheerful by finding humor in my experiences, feel free to cope in whatever way works for you.)
Speaking of coping, let's talk about the challenge. Some of you readers know me personally, and some of you readers will be complete strangers. It may seem funny that I will be sharing some things with personal strangers that most of the people who know me don't know, but that is sort of the point of this whole thing. Okay, Fibromyalgia is a complex "disorder" that Drs don't even fully understand, what most have discovered is that it is actually a disorder of the brain and maybe a disorder of the nerves. It is not an actual injury, it is not fatal and it is not too degenerative (with most high functioning cases). The good news about it is: it is not going to kill me. The bad news is that it probably won't ever go away. But, with careful care the symptoms could lessen. Each case of Fibromyalgia is different, so what could work for me may not work for others and vice versa. To me this means a lot of personal reflection and self awareness are essential to managing my symptoms. Trial and error here we come.
A lesson that I keep learning in my life is the value of small things. To be honest, I think this will be an ongoing theme throughout my whole life; remember the little things. The "little things" thought was the inspiration for my challenge. When I am in an "episode" whether it be Fibromyalgia only (muscle pain, digestive issues, digestive pain, nausea, migraines, chronic fatigue, etc.) Anxiety (obsessive behavior, inability to stop my mind, heart racing, worry, fearful, irritable, avoidance of behavior that could be a stressor, etc) Depression related (Sleepy, lazy, no desire to do anything, lack of hygiene behaviors, lack of feeling about anything yet crying all the time, negative feelings about self worth and hopeless feelings about future, etc) or a combination of the three, my life gets interrupted and it takes a while to recover. (Not only for me but for the husband as well.) Not all episodes are as extreme as the symptoms listed but I wanted to give an overview of the possible symptoms I could experience at any time. Not to beg for sympathy but to illustrate my desire to take some things into my own hands.
This isn't my first experience with trying new coping/managing mechanisms. In fact I feel like I have been learning things about myself, (what works and what doesn't, what I like and what I don't) for a long time. As stated earlier, some lessons I learn repeatedly in different contexts. The 60 day challenge is just another "experiment" I am trying on myself. I have a list of things that I think will help me in my life. They aren't quick fixes, and they aren't snake oil cure-alls, they are little things. Having been in an extended episode of apathy for a few months now, I have stopped doing said little things. One night as I couldn't sleep (typical), I came up with the idea to restart my system. I decided to make a challenge that entailed the list of little things that I think will help me. Some of these little things I have tried and know they help, but I didn't keep up with them. Some of the little things I have heard work, but I don't have real experience with them so now is the time.
I've heard that it takes 3 weeks for an action to become a habit. I know myself and I know that with my body a longer amount of time will be better. 30 days didn't seem long enough, so I decided to do 60. I have thought about starting a blog to journal my life with Fibro for a while now, and this challenge seemed like the perfect opportunity to start it. Also, I tend to stop projects with out finishing them so I decided I wanted to be held accountable for this one and making it public on a blog is a great way to do that. Something else about me is that I work better if there is something to look forward to after the work, so I decided to give myself prizes/incentives. There will be weekly prizes and a prize for making it halfway through and a prize for finishing the project. Some may see what I have included in the project and say "Really? you have to do a project to get yourself to do that?" to which I reply, "yes, I have to do a project to re-train myself to live my life, instead of avoiding it, and part of living my life means reminding myself to shower, brush my teeth, go to bed etc." Like I said, the little things have a greater value than I can even explain.
After that lengthy explanation, are we ready for the components of the challenge? I know I am.
Components:
Body Health:
- Eating at least three meals a day. Preferably 3-6. (Believe it or not this is hard for me.)
- Make an eating log. (This will help me to remember to eat, and to be aware of what I am eating.)
- Do my own version of Elimination Diet (This is to see if there are any foods that are making my symptoms worse.) This means eliminating suspect foods for 3 weeks then slowly incorporating them back in and watching reactions.
- Sleep. (My elusive friend.) Specifically same bedtime every night and same get up time every morning. (Even if I don't feel sleepy, and even if I don't feel like it's enough time) This will be very helpful in training my body to not think it is sick ALL the time.
- Teeth brushing (morning and night).
- Washing face with oil mixture every night and with honey mixture once a week.
- Exercise an important component. I know from experience it helps me so much. Unfortunately, my fear gets in the way of my happiness with this one. (It's inexplicable that I can be afraid of something I love, but Fibro has a way of doing that to you. Worrying about episodes getting in the way of your happiness.) The specifics of the exercise component: Exercise 3-4 days per week. Because it has been a while since I was consistent, and because my body needs me to be gradual in my increase I will be starting off with mostly yoga. It can either be all yoga all 4 days or throughout the challenge if I am feeling brave I can slowly get back into strength training. Emphasis being on SLOWLY. Exercise helps me, but when I go too crazy it actually sets me back. So gradual, Camille, gradual.
Spiritual/Faith Health:
- Reading my scriptures daily. (I have always been inconsistent with this habit. I'm not expecting me to be miraculously good at this overnight. I am including this in my challenge because I know that I shut out most if not all good things when I am struggling with my stuff. It's self handicapping I know, hence why it is included into my challenge.) Some people get miracles from what they read in their scriptures, and some people get miracles in other aspects of their lives because they were putting good things in their life. I'm hoping for either.
- Praying daily. (another struggle of mine) This takes humility and frankly a heart that isn't bitter from hardship, I know this will be hard for me, but I also know a humble heart is open to more blessings.
- Attending the Temple. Minimum of twice per challenge. This means once per month minimum, but if I am brave more would be great.
- If I am teaching the Young Women that week, did I spiritually prepare for the lesson or did I rush it, and am I praying for my girls, asking for Divine help helping them?
(If any of you readers are not familiar with some of the terms I have used regarding my faith and worship, please feel free to ask me questions, there are no stupid ones I promise.)
Mental Health:
- Counseling. Not only attending 1 time per week, but thinking about things I want to talk about in sessions, and trying to do the homework/practices that will help me.
- Meditation. I have felt that I wanted to incorporate this into my routine for a while now, and my counselor even asked if I would try it out. The requirement is 2-3 times a week, a minimum of 10 minutes. The nice thing about this is I could do a "unlearn your pain" meditation track, I could do a "body image" meditation track, or I could do this on my own.
- Unlearn Your Pain Book worksheets. This is a book that helps you to train your brain to overcome past pains. Requirement is 1 per week.
- Time Management. I am perpetually late and it becomes a horrible cycle of anxiety for me. So the requirement is I have to leave 15 minutes before I would normally leave for things.
- SCHOOL WORK! (I know I said I graduated, but due to unfortunate circumstances I have three online classes that I need to finish.) Because I was expecting to be done with these, I am so unmotivated to keep up with this school work, and I end up procrastinating it to the point of feeling stressed at the last minute to get it done. No more. There will be daily goals for school work. 1 hour per day of work. (I know myself and I know that if I start a project I will probably keep working on it, but because of my anxiety if I have a large amount of time as a requirement for school work I will freak out and not do it at all.) So one hour per day minimum. Also, due to deadlines approaching there will be a specific Anatomy requirement: accomplishing 1 assignment per week minimum.
- Gratitude. When upset or feeling overwhelmed, I need to list at least 5 things that I am grateful for. The more I list, the better.
Beauty, Confidence, Comfortable in own Skin :
- Brush hair every day. No matter what. The brushing helps it be less tangled and makes me feel less homeless.
- Do hair and makeup like I am going to see a friend everyday. This will A) help me to feel prepared for my days and B) help me to experiment with hairstyles so that I can find one that I like, and that I feel makes me look presentable.
- Shower every day. (I don't have to wash my hair every time) But seriously, shower every day, no matter what.
- Coconut Oil Hair treatment once a week. I did it tonight and my hair is so much more soft. Also, the oil is hot and calming to rub into my hair. OH yeah and I have to do it naked. (no not in a perverted way) I have to do it naked in my bathroom, alone. So that I can calmly look at my body for what it is and learn to love it and serve it, not try to change it.
Home/Family Life:
- I already have a daily chore list made. This helps me to split the work up throughout the week, and helps me to stay on top of the cleaning. This requirement is just: Did you do your daily chore today?
- Meal Plans. Both the Husband and I can't think when we're hungry, and this leads to bad decisions in the food department, meal plans help us both to have one less thing to think about. So meal plans. I don't even have to cook every day, just have a plan. Weekly: "Did you have a meal plan this week?"
Creativity, Bravery, Good Things:
- A minimum of 2 creative things per week. (Could be sewing, could be cooking cool new recipe, could be something new I want to try.)
- A minimum of 1 Brave thing per week. (Besides this challenge itself! EEE!) (This could be taking steps towards a future goal, this could be going to a yoga class actually at a studio, this could be contacting someone in a field you're interested in to get advice, etc.)
Now it is time for the rules!! (The things listed before are specifically not titled rules, because the point of this challenge is not to magically become a perfect with all the habits they want overnight. The purpose of this challenge is to keep going and not give up. To keep trying, even if my anxiety gives me reasons to stop. To keep on keepin' on and to learn what really helps me and what is just fluff.)
Rule # 1: The goal is not to complete ALL the components ALL the time. The goal is to try as much as I can. Rule # 1 is to try as much as I can.
Rule # 2: I can not give up any of the components until the 60 days are up. I can give myself a week hiatus, but I can't give up on any of them completely until the 60 days are up. This will give me room to actually see these habits for what they are, instead of what my anxiety makes them out to be.
Rule # 3: I must blog/journal every night before I begin my bed time routine about the challenge. The journal will include the following questions: How many components did I do today? (The Sunday night journal will include : How many weekly components did I do this week?), How does my body feel?, How does my mind feel? What am I thinking about the challenge today? The point of this is to be candid, so that the good, the ugly, the real comes out. This will help me to accept my feelings, even when they aren't convenient.
Rule # 4: I must post weekly progress pictures. (You'll see the before pictures at the bottom.) The progress pictures are of my body and of my face. This will be one of the ways I will track my progress. The journals will be the other way. The pictures will help me to A) stay motivated and to B) truly determine what will be worth it in the long run.
So there you have it. I am starting my challenge tomorrow September 23, 2013. Like I said, I am putting it on my blog to keep myself accountable, and to maybe even help someone out there. This is going to be hard for me, and at times I am going to be real and that is scary! This will be a positive place where I and people feel comfortable asking hard questions, and reflecting on themselves. I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO DELETE ANY NEGATIVE, BULLYING, OR DEROGATORY COMMENTS ON THIS BLOG. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. : )
Thanks guys and see you on Day 1!
P.S. Here are my Before pictures. NO mocking me in my vulnerable state.
